Rath's Wish
by Ciu Sune
Summary: One shot. Rath is dying. That is what everyone says when he is not around. But what does Rath himself actually feel? Rated for hints of suicidal intention.


It certainly has been a while hasn't it? I apologize! Not having inspiration stinks -- However, being muse-deprived for a long time results in funny things when you get it back again. I'll explain; this fic is plotless. Okay, that's not so strange. In fact, plotless and fluffy fics have been the only thing I've ever been able to write since I started. That's where it gets strange. This. Fic. Lacks. Fluff! It contains NONE! Not even a little smidgen at the end of it! Yeah it's short, but. . .  
  
. . . . . .I wrote a plotless ANGST fic.  
  
And now I am in shock.  
  
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WHY?! WHY CAN'T I?? He was shouting-- screaming into wet air. It was a miserable night; the heavens had opened, drenching everything, and many a scream was lost in the thunderclaps.  
  
The weather portrayed his raging thoughts and mind. It shouted and screamed his frustration to the world.  
  
Rath sank to his knees, glaring at his sword. The sword. It had spilled the blood of so many Yokai without a though. He just wished that this could be just as easy. And why shouldn't it be?? He would not be discovered in time to be interrupted. He had made sure to leave Fire and Crewger with Cesia, Lykouleon was busy with Alfeegi (along with Tetheus, Kai-stern, and Ruwalk, who were trying to calm the latter down), and Thatz had dragged Rune off somewhere. He was alone and would have enough time. Why shouldn't it be easy?  
  
. . .because he knew that they would hate him for it. He hated so many of them, loathed them even, but he hid it. He was incredibly good at acting that he cared. But--the few with which he didn't need to pretend, didn't need to act, he knew that they would hate him for it. As ridiculous as it sounded, Rath was concerned about how he would be remembered by everyone. It mattered that he would be missed and mourned, and even cried over. That's not what he wanted. Not if he brought it upon himself.  
  
If perhaps there was a way for him to properly set his affairs in order before he used the sword, it might not seem so difficult. Often Rath had wished to die and be forgotten. Not hated, not praised. Just left to rot in his grave until it was grown over with weeds, and until his face was no longer a dying memory, but a nonexistent one. That was what he truly wanted. To completely and utterly disappear and no one caring either way. The perfect death.  
  
However, that would never happen. It was either this, or continuing to live his life. A life for them. A life that resembled a puppet's movements on stage. Something for others, controlled by others.  
  
The rain was even worse now. Pelting drops smashed to the ground. He had stopped glaring at the sword and had switched to staring resolutely at the sky. Rath yearned for his death and often wished it upon himself. His love of battle nowadays stemmed from the fact the he always hoped that somehow a stray knife or needle would take him by surprise; and keep his death from being his fault alone.  
  
He didn't want it to be his fault. He didn't want Rune or Thatz to mourn because he killed _himself_, just that he _was_ killed.  
  
It would never work though. Not the way he wanted it to. Rath knew that his memory would remain, and that it might not be a good one. _Would_ not. Not if he used that sword.  
  
His pain and anger, fear and self-hatred, feelings that were never shown to or seen by others boiled inside.  
  
The liquid that stung his eyes and ran down his face that night was not only the violent rain.  
  
End.  
  
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See? See?? Not even a teensy bit of fluff. It was a nice thing to write though. This fic was actually written during a thunderstorm at around 2 A.M. because of insomnia and having just read the fifth Dragon Knights volume over again.  
  
Also, this fic is dedicated to Kuroi-sempai. Because I actually wrote something in her genre for once, and that . . .doesn't exactly happen often and because she (and her writing) rocks. I put the dedication at the bottom this time, because I have come to the conclusion that this is the only part of my ramblings that people read. I get to be stupid at the top, serious on the bottom. Okay, got it. 'cept not.  
  
Please tell me what you thought of my fic. I'd appreciate it.


End file.
